B is for...BABY!!

So just when I am getting into the swing of training for the Turtleman Triathalon guess what shows up???? A plus sign and a solid line! Nope...not a PR on a race, or a negative split time...these signs come up when you urinate on a stick, that means...we're pregnant!

I feel like I had that 'mother's intuition' immediately, like I knew when the exact time was when our baby was conceived, (i know, i know) but I just had this feeling that we got pregnant. We went up to the cabin for the 4th of July weekend and I just didn't feel like 'me' and little did I know that I wouldn't get that 'me' feeling back for 10 months! Or, possibly longer! :)

So...stay posted...I am definitely going to need some strength for this CLIMB!

Unhitch the trailor...

So there once was a time when I was in college that I was running close to campus, it was a cloudy, drizzly afternoon and the comment, "Unhitch the trailor" came from a car filled with high school boys. I remember wearing black wind pants with another layer underneath it, a baggy jacket of some sort, and pluggin' up the hill. This was probably about 10 years ago, in 2000. In those years, I was probably about 12-15 lbs heavier than now and running was a chance to leave things on the road. It was an escape from whatever issues at the time, my justification to splurge on dinner later, a therapy session, a chance to be alone, and the start of a routine that seems to have become healthy habit.

"Unhitch the trailor?" So did those boys mean I was going so slow that they thought I was carrying a trailor behind me? So they didn't think I knew the exact pace I was slapping my feet down on the pavement that they needed to remind me and then squeal off? I could chalk it up to some immature, disrespectful high schoolers that didn't know the power of their words. Well, this morning, I remembered their comment. It was a morning that looked similar to the cloudy one ten years ago, and I asked myself would they say that same thing? Eight marathons later, a Boston marathon finisher, a PB of an average mile of 8:20 for 26.2, doesn't feel like their could be a trailor behind this girl. But even with those things under my running belt, I am still haunted by the power of those words and the feelings of inadequacy.

Is it because lately when I run I feel my stomach that used to be flat, jiggle under my tank top? Is it because when I look down at my legs I feel like I can see the hail damage starting above my knees? Is it that I know I have missed a few days of running and know I haven't eaten in moderation, but justified splurging more days than I should have. Has it been the words of my own head that have caused the most damage, the lies I have started to believe, or the assumptions I have made on my husband's thoughts about my sedentary ways.

I haven't been in training since early March and I am realizing I need something on the calendar. I don't know to believe if it's a crutch, because I realize I don't do well without a plan. So...

I plan on unhitching the trailor, by signing up for the Turtleman Triathlon. It's August 14th. I am hoping this will be a bigger challenge than the the challenge right now to "get out of my parking spot".

Boston Baby

So besides anticipating this spring for obvious reasons like sunshine, green grass, running without layers, lemonade, etc...I was anxious to see how I felt with having 9 months of shots of pollen injected into my arm to help with my allergies! Well lets just say that unfortunately Minnesota has had the worst pollen count ever...and I feel as bad as I did last year. Sneezing, itchy eyes, and sleepless nights are all too familiar when April rolls around. All I need now is for a student in the hallways to say, "What's wrong with your face?" Gotta love the honesty.

This weekend will be a year from when we were in Boston. It still leaves a not so good feeling in my stomach for a few reasons. One, I will never eat Trader Joe's rice again because I can still taste it coming up numerous times, and let's just say I never want to see a pink pepto bottle again. That being said, I did not enjoy the Boston Marathon because at mile 12 I realized I was struggling to get one foot in front of the other. I told myself to take in the experience and just bask in the most popular marathon in the world, and one that many have set life goals to be a part of. Because of my sour feelings towards the run, I feel like I have to add Boston Marathon AGAIN to my life long goals so I can really feel what this race is all about.

Katie and I worked our butts off to get to that race and I feel like I stole the joy out of it, by not having a great race. I realize in the past 8 I have done, that not EVERY run is going to be a good one, but I just wish that one would have been great. So maybe, I will see myself toeing the line in Hopkinton again.

Revolution of the 2010 New Year's Resolutions

So here I sit discouraged and frustrated as I cross out the resolutions that were inked on January 1st of this year, and think...well failed, failed, failed. I sometimes wonder why I do these things, why do I set myself for these things only to look back and see that I missed the mark. But honestly, in scanning past goals, I am not always crossing them out, I am also starring and underlining and circling! I do know why I do this to myself, because I set a high standard for myself, knowing that if I don't I will just accept anything, I will just make an excuse and allow myself to sinfully compare myself to the next person. I allow myself to take the easy way out. I remember in a class at Bethel, Jimmy Miller recited a Proverb that said, "Where there is no vision, they will walk unrestrained." I don't want to just wandered, because I know I was created for a purpose and I know that with God's help I will have the Strength for the Climb.

So here I am...about to write down my goals until my 30th birthday...